This post is way more personal than I usually share.
I know these feelings I have are shared by so many, many women all around the world.
Many with heart-breaking stories that make mine seem trite.
But it is something that has been on my heart and I think God is nudging me to share.
My heart yearns for another baby
There, I said it out loud.
I know I should be content, I have three beautiful, healthy, wonderful children.
I am blessed beyond measure.
But still my heart aches for another.
God must have called us to have a big family, why dont we have another?
Weve been trying for over 2 years
Both my husband and I feel we want more.
I dont even mind the poopy diapers that much!
So we started taking a med to help me ovulate.
Each month rolls around and the emotions inside become even more real.
I tell myself to stop focusing on it.
IknowGod is in control and that if he wanted us to have another child he could do it.
But it is hard to tell that to an aching heart.
Each month is filled with hope, anticipation, and then disappointment and sadness.
I know Im notoldyet.
But at 35 Im also ending my reproductive years.
And I hear that clock ticking.
So what Now?
We hope…… pray …….and wait.
Just like many women all over the world.
I truly believe there is a reason God is not blessing us with another now.
And I dont feel like he has said no yet because the desire remains.
But will the wait turn to a no.
I just dont know.
We are not wanting to do anythingdramatic I mean we already have three healthy kids.
And I feel that adoption is cost prohibitive at the time.
God hears our hearts desires and is moved to act.
I dont know what the end to this story is yet.
I sure hope it has a Disney fairy tale happy ending.
And lean not on your own understandings.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
To all you Moms out there with this aching of the heart.
